Sometimes I wonder why people don’t think they are good enough. I often find myself bringing myself down as well. I do not know why we do this because we are beautifully made and we are all made in God’s image, but the world tells us that if we’re not married by a certain age then we’re doing something wrong.
I always wonder what in life have we gone through that makes us think these things. What specific incident, if any, made us think this way? I also wonder if guys do the same thing. Do they worry that they never find someone to love them like we girls do? Do they care about their hair as much as we care about ours? Do they care about their outfits as much as we do?
I am sure guys do care about this stuff because they want to find someone as well, but I just think it is interesting to think about how differently the male and female brain works. I would love to hear what some of the guys think about this, or if they ever wonder about the differences as well. I would also love to know if they get down on themselves like woman do. I think women are extremely difficult on themselves.
I have friends that are amazing at just about everything, and they do not see it at all. They think that everyone can go on a four-mile run and not be out of breath, or they think that anyone can just pick up an instrument and start playing it well. I do not know what makes our brain think that we are not good enough, but I think it needs to change. Why do you think our brain does that? Where do you think low self-esteem comes from? How can we change it?
A lot of times as you get older you start to change. When you start to change, the things you like also change, including the individuals you hang out with and the people you decide to date. When I say you look for different things I mean like the color hair they have or the traits that they have.
When I was in high school my “type” was a lot different then it is now. I used to go for a guy that had a certain look and that was really sweet. Now that I am older I look at their looks obviously, but I also look at what their major is and how mature they are. I cannot deal with an immature little boy. I am sorry, but if you are in college, you should act like you are in college, not like you are in the sixth grade. I am not saying all guys act like that because they do not, but the ones that do are not for me.
I have always wondered why our preference changes. If you really sit down and think about it, it is really weird to be in love with someone with all of these certain traits that you like, and then a few months later you change so much that you do not like any of those traits anymore. WEIRD. I also think it is really cool though because it really is like an adventure, you are constantly searching and when you find the one you are looking for it is like you have found gold. Have you ever had an experience like this? Have you ever thought about this deeply? Has your type changed as you have gotten older?
After you go through a breakup, you start the healing process. You learn a lot about yourself, and you go back to every moment from your past relationship and usually say “Why did I do that?” or “Why did I even like that person in the first place?” After your breakup I suggest you take time to just be by yourself. There is a certain beauty in being able to go to a restaurant by yourself, or goto the movies by yourself. You see more and you can appreciate more because you are not blinded by your feelings toward’s another person. You are simply listening only to yourself.
I would also recommend some therapy. I have had friends that have gone to therapy after a breakup, and they said it helped them so much. They often made the comment that they wish they had gone earlier because it probably would have helped them during their past relationship. In therapy they said they learned how to love themselves for who they were, and they learned how to gain their confidence back.
Lastly, listen to God. A lot of times we are so impatient and we want something to happen in the exact moment we want it to. That is not how God works; God works in mysterious ways, and His plan is ultimately the best for us. There is a verse that mentions going through the darkest times to find the brightest treasures, and I think that is exactly what you have to do. As long as you trust God and trust in His plan; everything will be great in the end. Have you ever considered therapy? Have you ever been through something where you have to trust God fully to bring you out of the darkness? Have you ever taken “ME Time?”
I’ve had been in many situations where I’ve had to be the “bad guy.” I am the one that has to tell my good friend, “Hey it is time to get out of the relationship you are in.” I am not trying to brag, but I have a really good instinct when it comes to knowing who is the best significant other for my friend/friends. I have had friends that have been in some really bad relationships. In these relationships they are just constantly brought down, and they are abused verbally. Verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. I have seen firsthand what verbal abuse has done to my friends, and I do not like it. It takes a woman a long time to gain her confidence back after being verbally abused.
One of my friends was in a relationship for almost five years, and the whole time she was being verbally abused. One day I finally told her to just leave; I had seen her get hurt too many times, and it was time I said something about it. I title this post “How to be a true friend” because sometimes as a friend you are put in a position where you have to decide, Do I risk my best friend being mad at me? Or do I shut my mouth and keep letting them get hurt?
I think being a true friend means doing what is best for your friend wether they like it or not. If you truly care about your friend, you will take the risk of them being mad at you, rather than sitting back and letting them get hurt over and over again. What would you do in a situation like this? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Why do individuals get so blinded when they are in a relationship?
I am not the only one who has been through a heartbreak, and the heartbreak that I have talked about was a long time ago, but I remember it vividly. My friends and I often talk about heartbreak and the guys that brought the heartbreak to us, and they suck…. sorry, fellas! When we talk about our heartache or our personal stories; weather it be violence, sexual infidelity, just boys being boys, verbal abuse or anything else you can think of, I always see one thing happen. My confident, loving and beautiful friends become “BROKEN,” I see it on their face and I feel it in their heart, it makes me just want to hold them and let them cry it out. How can one human being make another human being feel like they are worth nothing, that they are not beautiful, or they were not “good enough?” I HATE IT! Girls work in a different way, I once read somewhere that it takes 10 compliments to make up for 1 negative comment. I believe this 100 percent, Girls take things so literal and girls care so deeply, not saying guys do not as well but usually girls are the majority. It kills me because I know how it hurt when I went through a break-up, but after hearing some of my friends’ stories, I feel even worse for thinking my situation was the end of the world. When we have these deep conversations, I am reminded that the first cut really is the deepest and it really does affect you in your next relationship. I know a lot of people who have trust issues, and I know a lot of people who are too insecure to even think about another relationship. Then there is the girl that along the way got hurt so bad that she has built up a million different walls that only one person will be able to break down but only if it is the perfect person. How does that one person break down the walls? How do you learn to trust again? How do you truly move on from the worst pain you’ve ever felt?
Each heartbreak is different, each healing process is different, but one thing that we all have in common is we have to start….. One day we just wake up and decide it is time to stop your pity party and get back out there. This can mean just putting on makeup in some cases, going out with friends or throwing away the gallon of ice cream you have been digging into for the past few weeks. If we do all these things or even just one of these things, we start to feel the knife that has been in our heart slowly start to ease its way out. Then all of a sudden one day without even realizing it we forget about the low life who put the knife there in the first place. That feeling is amazing, you can finally breath again, you can finally laugh again, you feel like a new woman and you are ready to find someone new. Going through a breakup sucks, but there is also a certain beauty in it. You learn so much about yourself when you go through a breakup, you see sides of yourself you never even knew you had, and you also grow so much as a person. Your “type” changes and your heart changes; the things that once attracted you to someone are no longer there. You have a whole new identity, and that is where I think the beauty is because you usually have to go through something horrible to get to the something beautiful. How have you picked up the pieces? What is the No. 1 thing that has worked for you when you have had heartbreak? Are you to this day really over it? Do you think you will ever be over your first love?
What better way to start off my first blog post, than to go back and explain when thinking I was not good enough started. Everyone has that first love and that boy they can not live without, right? Well, I did and for this blog we’ll just call him “that boy.” “That boy” and I were in love, and we were going to get married; if you are a girl and have been in love then you know what I am talking about. You plan your whole future with this guy and then one day BOOM….. Somehow in the matter of two seconds he decides that everything he thought he felt the last two years somehow does not matter anymore. WHATTTTT!!!! This is what I call the first cut, and trust me, it was deep. Everyone has been in that moment where your heart stops and your future is now a blur because you had always imagined this guy in it. I remember that day like it was yesterday, and I remember how my confidence crashed right then and there. Suddenly I started questioning everything I had ever heard from him and myself for the matter. It is a woman’s nature to be extremely hard on herself when she is at her lowest of lows. The questions I have are, Why do we crash? What makes us questions who we are? Why do we love so much deeper? How do we change it all?